My Journey down roads unknown....with Him

Today I cried, today I found out I have a baby in heaven.  And today I choose to trust, trust and hold on to promises I already know. From the beginning we put this in His hands, we have no control over it anyways. Today I was 6.5 weeks and this morning I started bleeding heavier and eventually called the doc and they told me to come on in. They did a vaginal ultrasound, and found I had miscarried. Why do we still have to go through the pain, I don't know but He knows and I continue to choose that he knows what's best for us .   A friend who has gone through infertility and also lost a little one, posted this list a few days ago and it's so good.  "Infertility is a journey. A journey that brings waves of peace then sorrow when least expected.  Truth is what has gotten us through some of these waves:  1. God is good in every situation 🌦 2. His will is all that matters 🎚 3. His ways are higher than mine🏔 4. His plan is better than ...

Today was third beta and it was 2937! Doctor said numbers still looking great! Bleeding still happening on and off so continued prayers and we just keep plugging along!

Jan 2. Day of my second beta. At this point I didn't know what to think or expect but knew God was in control and his will would be done. I guess with the holidays everyone had been in that day because they took forever to call me . Around 415 I was outside talking to Ben and decided I would call the doc on call if they didn't call by 5. Then all the sudden a voicemail showed up on my phone,,,,from them. So I played it on speaker so we both could here it . Bethany your numbers looked good and rose well. What? For real. Ben smirked and I started to cry, hugging him. It's still a day by day giving it over to God, and I know I want his will. Good news bleeding has slowed considerably , thankfully. They still want me for another blood test next week to keep watching. Then the following week I go for my first ultrasound. Continuing to pray all stays well!

So I had to wait. I hate waiting . I just wanted to know one way or the other.  I hate being strung along. I was pretty sure with all the bleeding I had , I didn't see how it could still be positive. That Saturday I was getting so upset and anxious I just sat down in the church, whike trying to clean and just asked God to take it, I knew I couldn't change anything myself. He was in control and to give me a calm and  a peace in my waiting. And he did. The night before my second beta I was reminded of it and realized how he had all week been faithful and given me a calm and peace. Yes I still wondered what was going on. And what would happen but wasn't overwhelmed with it. I was constantly reminded I am with you!

Dec 26, we came home from Christmas with my parents in SC. The holidays helped keep my mind off things. If I had been home I would have had my first blood test. That evening I started bleeding. I cried. I figured I was probably having my period or having an early loss. It was so upsetting. But God was still comforting. The next  morning I listened to bible on the way in to the doctors. Felt God with me and saying I'm with you. I talked with the doctor and she prepared me for the worst but said she has had girls bleed and still be positive . Came home and just took a nap. I was tired. The nurse finally called . "Your test came back positive and your number was 100 which is good, we like it above......" My mind was in a daze. I had prepared myself for a negative. How could it be? And I was bleeding now even more. Was it I was positive but now losing it? She wanted me to up my progestergene as it was a little low and come back next week to recheck.  Since it was the holi...